Ant Vs Grasshopper

A friend of mine sent me this piece to ponder!

An old parable retold:

The old version ....

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summerlong building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks that the ant is a fool. He laughs and dances and frolicking the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well-fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, he dies in the cold.

The modern (Indian) version...

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant's a fool. He laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The world is stunned by the sharp & contrasting images. How can the poor grasshopper be allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the ant's hill.

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other grasshoppers demanding that grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.

Amnesty International and Kofi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the grasshopper (many promising Heaven andEverlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

Opposition MPs stage a walkout.Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a judicial enquiry. Mamta Banerjee goes on fast onto death of self or Grasshopper whichever is earlier.

The CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among ants and grasshoppers.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to grasshoppers on all Indian Railway trains, aptly named the 'Grasshopper Rath'.

Finally, a judicial committee drafts the "Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act [POTAGA]", with effect from the beginning of the winter.The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the grasshopper in a ceremony covered in style by NDTV.Arundhati Roy calls it "a triumph of justice".

Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'. CPM calls it the 'revolutionary resurgence of the downtrodden'.

Kofi Annan invites the grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

US & UK offer support to Governments' war on ento-hunger with free supplies of Ant-hrax powder!

Many years later...

The ant has migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley named "Triumph-Ant Technologies " , while hundreds of grasshoppers die of starvation and foot in mouth disease somewhere in India.

Moral of the story:
Who cares ? the grasshoppers are dead.

Creative Copy Rights

I have been coming across a this Hindi(?) pop song playing almost everywhere last week - malls, ringtones, lifts, you name the place. Although Hindi music is not my cup of tea, this song really caught my (ear's) attention. It had a nice bass , beat and melancholic tone to it and even though I couldn't follow the lyrics, I could make out some words like "yaar", "qurban", "ishq" from the song. Absolutely clueless, with this limited piece of knowledge , I put Google to the test of times, but to no avail. Search engines have to be given something to search for , some keywords like artist, film name or song title....bummer!

With some help from a music shanty in nearby market, I deciphered the song title as "Ya Ali" after trying out "Yaara dil", "Yaara ve", "Mera dil" (all of which are also supposedly in the currency) and that was enough for me to google it. My research findings were quite appalling:

1. This song was from a Bollywood movie Gangster(2006) which is apparently a hit movie. The song is also apparently a hit song

2.The song "Ya Ali" has been sung by Zubeein, a Bangladeshi debutante to bollywood and written by some unknown lyricists.

3. The music is copied entirely from the original arabic song " Ya Ghali" by Guitara, who by the way, has fabulously rendered the piece with her lilting and contemporary voice.

4. This is not the first "copied" song making it big in the Bollywood chartbusters. Apparently songs of the arabic king of pop Amr Diab have been regular targets in most of Mahesh Bhatt's movies ( sample the hit song "Kaho na kaho" from Murder(2005) ripped off straight from Amr diab's "Tamaly Maa'k")

5. Blogs abound with disgust over the amount of plagiarism in Bollywood, especially from arabic /spanish music. Most of the bloggers only wished that atleast due recognition in the form of "credit" was given to the original artist. Nevertheless, there was unanimity on the fact that Indians did a great job in copying songs and blending the same with excellent hindi lyrics! You can't simply pass off arabic imports in the indipop scene without good beat or lyrics.

Looks like the usual haven for Indian plagiarists - Western & Disco Music is now nome more in demand. Arabic, Spanish, Sufi music with techno blend seem to be ruling the roosts for now. Not far from now Shakira & Amr Diab could be doing a romanic dance number for the upcoming " Copy Cats"!!!!

Pizza vs.Police????

"We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police."....Jeff Marder.

Is it not true? Just the other day I ordered for a pizza from a prominent pizza shop and I was told that the same would arrive at my doorstep within 30 minutes ,else, I could have it free. In Mumbai, time flies like arrow while traffic moves like snail. Which is why these delivery guys whiz past you in their customized sleek pizza-mopeds even in the most heavily conjusted roads ! They are forced to ride fast to meet impsossible deadlines or face pay cut on account of customer discount!. Not surprising that their antics feature as one of the prime causes of road accidents in the city.

Even my neighborhood Kiranawala for years offers free home dalivry (sic) but without any guarantee on time. So why these ubiquitous Pizza experts offer such instant deliveries? Is it driven by competition or social service? One such company, a prominent one, has even named its call centre number as "Hunger - Helpline". If only we had more of such helplines across in drought ridden states of India, our hunger problem could be instantly solved, thanks to modern capitalism!

Even the cops don't reach the spot before a good 45 minutes ( except, maybe on celluloid). In fact during Summer vacation our local police issues notices to societies to keep vigil on the neighborhood / appoint private security to prevent burglaries because they are unable to attend to so many calls. So when in emergency, you can always trust your pizza guy to attend on you within 30 minutes and all that he may expect from you is a tip in the hand and a pat on the back !!!!

Reverse Democracy!

The Prime Minister gave a keynote address at a meeting of the National Development Council in New Delhi on Saturday. It was rare occasion where he made some controversial statements (instead of his usual verbose, vague and threadbare commentary on developmental economics) thereby fuelling widespread and acerbic attacks from the opposition on the substance of the speech. Various leaders from BJP have assailed his speech on the ground that his statement on plans for minorities reeked of "communalism" and gave "undue benefits to minorities". Some have even termed it "gross violation of Constitution"

The controversial lines from the speech are reproduced below:

'I believe our collective priorities are clear: agriculture, irrigation and water resources, health, education, critical investment in rural infrastructure, and the essential public investment needs of general infrastructure, along with programmes for the upliftment of SC/STs -, Other Backward Classes -, minorities and women and children.

'The component plans for scheduled castes and scheduled tribes will need to be revitalized. We will have to devise innovative plans to ensure that minorities, particularly the Muslim minority, are empowered to share equitably in the fruits of development. They must have the first claim on resources. The centre has a myriad other responsibilities whose demands will have to be fitted within the over-all resource availability.'

The bone of contention is in the emboldened letters. It is very difficult to comprehend what the PM intends to convey through these paradoxical statements. It is obvious that no person, whether a majority or a minority community member can share the fruits of economic development "equitably" and "lay first claim on the resources" at the same time!

It is quite understandable that the speech was carefully constructed to meet political ends but was sadly not as discreetly executed! The fact that our PM is not a established "politician" only adds to the woe.

We pride ourself on our strong foundation of democracy. The rule of majority comes with a responsibility to protect the interests of minority. But only in this glorious country we see that a few so called torch bearers of minority communities hold the country's economy at ransom with the politicians dancing to their tune. 5 decades after independence we have no clear statistical data on the minority population in the country. It is not far when a "brahmin" or "jain" will plead for minority status going by sheer percentage of population!

Years of reservation have yeielded no visible results in terms of improvement in literacy or standard of living as the benefit of such regressive policies have been taken by the same families, which are now referred as creamy layer. For that matter the "trickle down" effect of social/human resources expenditure have never reached the desired sector - the poor /farmer! Poverty, Bondage and agriculture have no religion. Child labour and Female infanticide have no religion and so does Battery of women.

Eradication of these social evils do not require any communalistic approach to policies. It needs a total relook at our existing systems with will and committment from politicians & bureaucrats to work for something other than votebanks or bank balances! In fact, every developmental policy must define the target audience in terms of economic background/ age/gender/occupation.

It is quite possible that in a few years from now we will be a democracy only on paper.The creamy layer will be the "Mafia" controlling politics, power & people and the country will be suffering from a state of reverse democracy!

Overwhelmed!

Despite belonging to one of the *conservative* *relegious* and *multi-theistical* tamil communities from down south, I never had the urge to go to temples. I only occasionally "accompanied" a family member or a freind to a nearby temple. But THIS was different..

We had planned this 3 day trip to Panchgani & Mahabaleshwar. Travel bug had never bit me so far, but a 5 day free luxorious bunglow with backyard, garden & cook at your disposal was too hard to resist" . A good colleague of mine suggested that I take the long way down via Pune ( yeah! Brangelina city of India!) to stop over at the Balaji temple at Ketkewale, around 40 Kms South of Pune in NH4. This temple is supposedly the largest replica of the real Tiupati Trimala Balaji Temple with extremely beatifully decorated, sculpted & well maintained premises. As I casually mentioned this fact to my family, they were pretty sceptical of its likeness to the Tirupati devasthan but probably agreed to visit the temple out of sheer curiosity.

We left Mumbai at 6.00 am and reached the temple at 10.15 am. On seeing the the poor & stony approach road to the temple, my mother who has walking difficulties, preferred to stay back in the vehicle we had hired for the trip ( although with great hesitation) . But the temple officials were very quick to send over a very new & sturdy wheelchair for her and even offered to wheel her for the darshan. We were thoroughly overwhelmed by their gesture and happily rolled her into the temple preemises . All the guards within the complex were kind enough to let us jump the long queue of weary & restless devotees and even the devotees paved the way without a grimace.

All of us had a fleeting but satiating darshan of the almighty. As we proceeded towards the exit, each devotee was not only offered a very big laddu as prasadam, but also a coupon for "bhojana" . The temple official was politely requesting them to avail the "Bhojan" at the adjoining building as he was handing over the tokens to the tired devotees coming from far & away. At the Bhojanalay, the hot food was served by the staff with great hygiene. The place was well maintained & clean with excellent seating arrangement for all the devotees. One could see devotees from all statas of the society seated next to each other enjoying the divine serving !

What moved me was the kindness & courtesy all the officials and guards displayed during such delicate situations. One can probably never witenss such grace towards senior & incapacitated citizens in any other place of worship. To me its was not a temple of lord Balaji, it was a temple of love & kindness and devotion to humanity, which is the need of the hour for the world we live in!

Customer care has always been problem issue for Indian enterprises. Probably they could learn a thing or two from the temple management!!!

Govinda! Govinda!!!

End of Sadma

After 3 years of trial, the verdict is finally out. Former Iraqi despot Saddam Hussein was sentenced to death by hanging today for his role in the killing of 148 Shiite Muslims in the northern Iraqi village of Dujail following an attempt on his life there in 1982, which was in the backdrop of Iran-Iraq war of the 1980s The Iraqi criminal court sentenced him for " crimes against humanity", along with his half brother. The verdicthas sparked off protests in Sunni dominated areas while there were reports of celebrations in Shia majority parts.

While most of the modern world has hailed this as a victory of democracy over crazy despotism that Iraq has suffered for decades, New Delhi has surprisingly maintained cautioned silence over the verdict. Traditionally , a lot of Muslim bureacrats, diplomats & politicians have been serving our Foreign /External affairs Ministry & Offices. Hence a division of opinion in the ranks cutting across Shia-Sunni sects may not be quite unexpected.

Former diplomat M. Hamid Ansari, has been quoted saying 'judicial process under which Hussein was tried is widely considered to be faulty and, therefore, the verdict is also faulty'. In fact, the Communist Party of India-Marxist (CPI-M) Sunday denounced the death sentence against Hussein, terming it a 'rigged verdict' .

One thing is for sure, Mr Bush cannot bank on this judicial verdict to uplifthis Republican Party from the almost certain loss in the forthcoming election for Senate & HoR!

JAY ki JAI Ho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If it looks like I am spending less and lesser amount of time in blogosphere, blame HIM..
He got me addicted, and then I was free of this affliction when he got off air for quite a long while ( say 4 years) and now he's back!!!!

There is nothing like watching the daily dose of "almost live" telecast of Jay's jabbing at all of the World's top political/entertainment stars , in his own inimitable style.

I always loved Jaywalking, Allstars, Iron Jay and Headlines.

Hoping for more of his wisecracks & snubs!!!!!!!!!

I am from freakistan!!!!!!!

Yeah Im back alright, but not with a bang though. What Ive been thru for the past two weeks will top the list of freakweeks one has ever had.

Freaked out on:

(1) a lot of B-grade hoolywood flicks on DVDs
( Trial & Error, Company man, Good Advice, You can count on me, Terms of Endearment,Where the truth lies..and they ALL suck in reverse order)

(2) on Lage Raho Munna Bhai... due to excess hype from press & public ( i reserve my comments on this movie plz)

(3) on bad Italian food at Trattoria ( supposed no.1 italian food place in Mumbai) This five star hotel actually served stale pizza crust, stale stuffing and odd as it may seem, the awfully low quantity they served was actually a "saving grace"!!! We actually had to satiate our unfilled bowels with a grilled "sendwitch" and "coketel" from a famous roadside gem of an eatery in the queen's necklace!! Lesson learned: Suburbans should stick to the ubiqutous dominos & pizza huts rather than travelling 25 Kms in search of the perfect pizza fiasco in a Five star plaza.

(4) on Navratri festivities in office, which meant a lot of sweetmeats, colorcodes & time outs!

(5) on my newly acquired vaccum cleanner ( I did!), sucking the hell out of the house!


Amidst all these, I totally lost track of my daily bread..blogging & strumming!
Back in business now. I need no sympathy!

Quest for the ultimate Dustbuster

I have to get this out of my system.

Let me first give you the low down here.

For the past 5 months, I’ve been desperately looking to buy a replacement for my broken vacuum cleaner(VC).I am now in a miserable predicament. On one hand, I have to do all the dusting employing my own (wo)manual labour and two, I am allergic to dust, not to mention brooms, mops and other cleaning widgets. And having your decrepit house in one of the most polluted suburbs and adjacent to a mud slinging play-ground doesn’t really help.

My VC hunting began with quite a fanfare: comparing models/brand on the net, visiting all the electronic havens and malls in the neighborhood, etc. Almost every gadget-mall had its USP, no, not Selling Proposition but "Special Price" on the items. But what left me cold was despite having mammoth shop space, these so called malls had not even a little room to accomodate, say atleast 2 brands of VCs on the shelf. Most of the shops had only one brand, the prominent Indian brand, carrying Archimedes’ legacy. So much for patriotism. Of course with more& more people (read parvenu) going for LCDs, Microwaves, ACs & Dishwashers, a VC for a measly 3000 Rs may not command any shop space or retail margin.

While my broken VC was made by an reputed Indian Electronics giant, once mostly patronized by people Below Poverty Line, I looked out for more recent entrants in this segment, like the ones which promise to make your Life Good and all. And of course there is the world leader, in the name of an Ex-president of USA. There are several other third rate brands, that you can buy off the TV, use for dusting and throw into the dustbin the third day.

Basically, I looked for a VC fitting into these mimimal specs:
1. Weight – less than 5 kg
2. Suction cum Blower function (with variable-power option)
3. Wattage- 1000 or less
4. Cord -Atleast 5 Mtrs
5. Dust Bag- Permanent, washable and atleast of 3 Ltrs capacity
6. Three pin plug for safety
7. Cost upto Rs 4,000

Innocuous it may seem, but none of the VCs that are currently in the market conform to these. Then I went into research mode & checked out the sites of the three major brands I have alluded to in earlier:

The current models from the land of Taekwondo have no Blower function. I did have an old pamphlet from a shopping exhibition mentioning of a model containing all the specs I wanted. None of the local showrooms had it. When asked , the local sales manager replied that model has since been discontinued (for some Godonlyknowsit reason). He went on and segued into pitching for models from rival brand that I should go for. Some mole he was !

The lone Indian Company spearheading cleanliness revolution in homes & drinking water surprisingly has no model with a 3 pin plug and weighing less than 6 Kg with the above features. What kind of heavy machinery operates in 2 pin? I don’t want to get electrocuted and I surely I don‘t come with a warranty card!

Utterly disappointed, I came crawling back to my old VC maker and was pleasantly surprised to find 2 new models on the site , which even facilitated online purchase. Alas, the site was “outdated’ as confirmed by the local sales rep. It seems they no more manufactured/dealt with VCs as they went for greener pastures and they have a new site in place, only that the old site was not yet taken off the web. How Generous! Good ploy to snatch credit card payments online from unsuspecting customers and pay for court battles between the Corporate patriarch & his Son-in law. Bravo!

Moral of the story:
MNCs companies dump their outdated technologies on the Indian populace. Indian companies have the best technologies but don’t know how to market it to the populace!

I don't believe in employing labour for domestic service. Here I am with no vacuum cleaner in hand, and only my bare hands to bust the dust. I think I may have to carry on this till I bite the dust. Thank you for listening!

P.s: I hate mud slinging as it's me who has to do the clean-up. So I have intentionally kept away from mentioning brand/Company names and leave the guessing to your imagination!!!

Movies, more movies!!

Im taking a long overdue vacation right now and as usual I'm catching up on lot of movies I wanted to watch for a long time. Here are some of them with my * ratings.

Recent Flicks:
1. Just my Luck:**1/2( Lindsay Lohan as banal as ever)
2. Sentinel: *** ( Thumbs up to Kiefer)
3. Matador:***1/2 ( Pierce Brosnan has tried really hard to shed his Bond image)
4. Dukes of Hazzard: :()-----(pukes)
5. RV: ** ( Robin williams is a sorry state of affairs)
6. Rumor Has it: * ( Kevin Costner has lost it)

Not so recent flicks:
1. Libertine: Sorry, I could not rate it as I failed to get past first 20 mins, But I can sure make it out to be any average Johnny Depp movie, with less of bloody disembowelment scenes and more of venereal/nudity.
2. Kate & Leopold: ***1/2 .please watch it if you like to watch verbal confrontations between victorian english and american slang ( Hugh Jackman vs others)
3.Corky Romano: **, but, Chris Kattan is cut out for such movies.
4.A Bronx Tale:* Frankly speaking,I've been wanting to lay my hand on this DVD for a long time.. one due to my mad passion for mafia movies in general, and two.. watching the dealy duo-Robert De Nero & Chazz Palminteri in action. The lonestar I've given goes to Chazz. Hope that sums it all up as far as this movie is concerned:(


Sure it doesnt look like a perfect vacation..but there are more movies to come. So, I keep my fingers crossed !X!
(Frankie Four Fingers)

Of schizophrenics, shrinks & celluloid!

More and more people I know refer to Hallucinations, Schizophrenia and Multiple Personality Disorder(MPD) to some phenomena as trivial as common cold. I also get a feeling that many of my near & dear ones suffer from it( I have to talk to my therapist on that one!). Off late, all the filmwoods -(B)(K)(H)ollywood have been churning out movies with the same protagonist potraying both Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde ( I wonder if he ever gets double the pay package?)

Some MPD Hollywood movies I watched include, Hide & Seek(2005), Me Myself & Irene and Batman forever while in Hindi I am told Aparichit(2006), Dewangee(2004) head the list. Now when I come to think of it, Mr AB might have pioneered pseudo-MPD roles in Shahenshah!

The point is, potrayal of mental disorders is now the newest, experimental , bold and one of the *different* roles that every actor wants to attempt or every director wants to depict. Diseases hitherto unheard of by the common movie watching rif-raff are being brought into celluloid and the common vocabulary..MPD, Alzheimer's disease, Short term memory loss, spastics, etc.

Critics are ever tired of pointing out the cavalier manner in which medical ailments are dealt with in Mainstream Hindi cinema. Suddenly, Hindi film directors are dealing with serious ailments and dealing with them seriously!. Gone, are those days when a heroine lost and regained her sight within 13 reels, or a disease as serious as cancer was detected by looking at an X-Ray. In an industry where heroes are mostly immortal and are occasionally even known to return from the dead films are now dealing with delicate medical issues with much more maturity and seriouosness.

In a lighter vein:

1) A guy walks into the psychiatrist's and says "Doctor, doctor, you've got tohelp me! I keep thinking that I'm a deck of cards!" The shrink says "Sit over there and I'll deal with you later."

2)"I'm treating a patient with a split personality," boasted a psychiatrist, "and Medicare pays for both of them!"

3)Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dustbin.Psychiatrist: Don't talk such rubbish.

4)Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a curtain.Psychiatrist: Pull yourself together!

5)Two psychiatrists meet on the street. One says to the other,"You know, I thought I'd been completely analyzed, but yesterdayI experienced the most remarkable Freudian Slip."The friend nods and waits to hear more...The first psychiatrist continues, "I was having dinner with mymother, and I meant to say, 'Please pass the butter', but insteadI said, 'You miserable bitch, you've ruined my life!!!".

6)Patient: Doctor, I can't stop stealing things.Psychiatrist: Take these pills. They should help you.Patient: But what if they don't?Psychiatrist: Pick up a Rolls for me.

7)A man who thought he was John the Baptist was disturbing the neighborhood, sofor public safety, he was committed. He was put in a room with another crazyand immediately began his routine, "I am John The Baptist! Jesus Christ hassent me!" The other guy looks at him and declares, "I did *not*!"

8)What is the best thing about schizophrenia?You're never alone.

9)A man calls the psychiatrist at a mental hospital and asks who's in room 24."Nobody" comes the reply."Good" says the man, "I must have escaped."

10)What is the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist?If you say to a psychiatrist "I hate my mother", the shrink will ask "Why doyou say that?" while a psychologist will say "Thank you for sharing that with us."

--

Ok, gotta go!!

Me too!

Thr Lord of the Masses

Ganpati Bappa, Moorya!!


Some other facts:

1)Public festival:
In the good old days Ganesh festival was a purely family affair. Ganesh Utsav in Mumbai, as envisioned by Tilak actually intended to use the famed "Ganpati" as a relegious icon as a cover for political activity.Tilak did this so as to cleverly broadcast his political message of freedom for India.

2)Gifting:
Thru time, "gifting" have undergone many changes in these years..

-from jewellery to " diamond studded jewellery"
-from books to "autographed /special edition" books
-from antiques to "antique holder"
-from show pieces to "feng-shui"items

However, Ganesha idols have remained to be a favourite gifting product with people, individuals as well as corporate and across communities. Itis said that the joy of gifting a Ganesha is immense because when you gift a Ganesha idol, you gift good wishes and good fortune along with it.

3) Immersion:

Ganesh Visarjan - the relegious ceremony of immersion of the idol in waterbodies on the concluding day (Anant charturdhashi) of the 10 day function is as popular and auspicious as the "chaturthi" itself. It is also one of the largest televised event in the commercial capital of India. It is believed that the wishes made on this occasion are happily granted by the satiated elephant god! As legend goes, "Ganesha" is considered to be the god of wisdom, prudence, prosperity, and most importantly "Vighna harta"(remover of obstacles). Hence, there are plenty of wishes the vast humanity can seek out for , specially, the traumatised and terror stricken Mumbaikars.

4) Darshan galore:

Mumbai will be buzzing throughout these 10 ddays of celebration, withh business picking up during day & night!. Already known as th ecity that never sleeps, on these days in particular, shops are known to remain open even till 5.30 am to capture the devotees travelling across the city for "darshan". It is widely believed that more the number of idols one takes darshan, more shall be resultant blessings/good luck. Lalbaug ka Raja has been the undesputed crowd puller for decades ow. Special city bus & local train services facilitate this local pilgrimage.

5)Ashtavinayak:

There are 8 idols of Lord Ganesh, which are famous by the name of Vinayak, and they are known as ‘Ashta Vinayak’. All the 8 idols of Lord Ganesha are Swayambhu(evolved by themselves):

1. Vakratunda ( Chintamani)
2. Mahodara (Varadvinayak)
3. Lambodara(Baleshwar)
4. Vignaraj(Vigneshwar)
5. Ekdanta(Siddhivinayak)
6. Gajanana(Mahaganapati)
7. VikataGanapati(Mayureshwar)
8. Dhoomravarna(Girijatmaja)

ICC or I Can't See??

I am not an avid cricket fan, but, watching the events develop the last few days, I cannot but write a few thoughts on the ball tampering issue currently plaguing Pakistan.

Why do Asian Cricket teams always get a raw deal from the ICC? , as if it is not enough that these teams have to cope up with internal problems with their Boards, Govt & Tax authoriries.

The entire cricketing fraternity is up in arms against the text book(read deaf & dumb) approach of the ICC over the ball tampering charge & penalty runs levied by the two culprit umpires - Mr Darryl Hair(the prime accused) and Mr BillyDoctrove(the confederate) on the fourth and almost decisive day of Test match between Pakistan& England at Oval. Pakistan's refusal to take the field after tea has got ICC slamming them for *bringing disrepute to the game*. Pakistan's dislike for the controversial Mr Darryl Hair is well known to the whole world and the ICC. Despite this, ICC has *specially* taken upon itself to appoint him as one of the umpires in all the matches involving Pakistan. Should we call it ill-conceived or well-contrived?

It is accepted that teams should not be allowed to influence the choice of umpires, but they must definitely be given a fair say in putting some *esteemed* ones on a negative list, going by thier*past credentials*. If such a list was permitted, Mr Hair would undoubtedly top Pakistan's list while Mr. Steve Bucknor would top team India's black listof umpires. If Mr Hair's past decade of hair-raising umpiring decisions is anything to go by, he should have long been delisted not only from Elite panel but permanently from Umpiring profession itself. How he was reinstated into the Elite group is still a mystery.Could it be Australia's arm twisting or Pakistani's misuse of arm..

Nevertheless, the investigation on the ball tampering issue should concentrate on visual evidence more than anything else to nail the real culprit. The entire career of key players and the pride of the nation are at stake here. In the absence of substantial evidence, Mr Hair & Doctrove shold be given the pink slips for bringing *bringing disrepute to the game*, with appropriate penalty, and prison term!

You may want to Read this.

Sweet Child 'O Mine

October 10, 2006 shall be a Landmark day for the Indian child. Although there are no official estimates on child labor employed in India, it is believed that over 10 Cr of our little citizens are employed as labour almost everywhere..From hazardous industries, kirana shops to domestic servants, in appalling, exploitive and even inhuman conditions.

Atlast, our government seems to have finally woken up from its deep slumber for last 20 years, since the enactment of the toothless piece of law: Child Labour (Prohibition & Regulation) Act, 1986. In a fresh and determined bid to stamp down the growing exploitation of children, the government has now prohibited their employment as servants at home or in businesses.

"Business" shall include factories, shops, dhabas, restaurants, hotels, teashops,resorts and spas. According to a notification issued by the labour ministry last tuesday, the ban comes into effect from October 10, 2006.The Union labour ministry has warned that anyone employing children below 14 years of age would be liable for prosecution and penal action under the Child Labour (Prohibition & Regulation) Act, 1986. Labour inspectors have been empowered to check on violation of this ban. While this is just the beginning, the crackdown could soon extend to several other sectors employing child labor.

May be Iam brutally candid but I am deeply pained that many of my friends and colleagues have employed children in domestic service, sometimes to babysit their own little ones. They've got good reasons though:

1) They actually plead they are improving the standard of living of the the poor boy/girl (by sending their parents the money, who might blow it off on having more children ?)
2) They claim they treat the child well ( right!, but will send the right back to thier village the moment he/she falls sick)
3) They claim they try & educate the child at home ( if only they had so much time, then why employ a domestic servant!)

Its high time they cleared up these misconceptions from thier inncocent minds.

It is not uncommon to see paper*boys*, chai*boys*, kirana delivery*boys* at your doorstep. The plight of girls is still worse..construction sites, domestic work, hazardous factories. We educated people fail to realise that by employing child labour, we are not economically uplifting them or their families, but we are actually denying their right to childhood, education and opportunities, that we were fortunate enough to enjoy.

It is the sole duty of the State and NGOs to rescue and rehabilitate these deprived children. We should not take advantage of their economic / social background to enrich our materisliatic goals, with the excuse of "helping a poor child". A socially concerned person would rather adopt the same child , instead of seeking a quid pro quo in the form of exploitive labour. In fact the movie "Baagbaan" showcased this noble act when the iconic AB adopts Salman Khan as a child, despite having 4 kids of his own.

So lets take this pledge the August occasion of our Independence day, to liberate our society from this evil:

1. I shall not employ and support any form of exploitation of children including child labour.

2. I shall report immediately any form of violation of child rights to the authorities/NGOs.

3. I shall do my best to educate others on the imporatance of child rights and ills of child labour.

P.s:

Child Employers beware: Big brother may be watching you!!

Don't cha

No, I'm not referring to that provocative hit single by the Pussycat Dolls. I'm talking about addiction to Cha (Marathi for Tea or Chai).It is quite common to see tired/weary employees gulping down several ounces of this beverage every hour, almost unwittingly and as much unavoidably! As the the canteenboy nonchalantly places his overboiled concoction of sugar & milk on the table, the same vanishes into the alimentary canal in no time! Some of them would'nt even mind drinking the very concotion hours after its served. And then there are tea-conservatives like me who are always at the receiving end .

How?.. You cannot even politely refuse the "tea" offered by your boss b'coz :

a) it might tantamount to gross insubordination, or

b) you might end up getting a big lesson of goodness of tea(and specially black tea) or

c) worse, you might be perceived as a high-maintenance natural juice drinker or a latte drinker!

Many of my friends/colleagues who I presume are tea addicts, can hardly keep count of their comsumption at work. They might pass it off us "2-3 cups a day", while it might actually be 7-8 (including, with chitchat friends, boss, lunchhour etc).

Well, I ve got some news for the habituated tea addict:

Tea connoisseurs say that-

1) Drinking tea should be a soothing and pleasurable experience and not a hurried one (which is very unlike what you notice in the office, where people drink it to get rid of headaches)

2) Tea should be savoured and not gulped down

3) Vital Statistics:3gms of tea for 150ml of water,brew for 3-4 mins normally, while you can brew herbal tea for 7-8 mins.

4) Never add milk to green tea

Food addiction is perhaps one of the commonest reasons why so many people are overweight and yet, don't seem to realise it. That's because they never stop to think before gobbling up everything in sight - whether they are really hungry/thirsty or not. It's more greed than hunger.

So, to all ye concerned, instead of giving me lectures of "revitalising my cells", why not take some therapy for your good self????????????

Floods of Alert

US has warned *code red* for all its nationals in Mumbai & Delhi, suspecting possible AQ plots in the run-up to the I_day.

The US Embassy said the attacks could possibly occur from Friday till August 16 and the likely targets are airports, vital government installations and crowded places. ( Which part of Mumbai is not crowded? colleges?)

As if the never-ending rains are not enough, we have another threat to keep us indoors. Every alternate day Mr Johnny Joseph's flood alerts clog our sms memory. That does'nt stop the riff raff from going on with their chores.

While the Govt. has officially shrugged off these “very innocuous” advisory issued by the US embassyto its people ,the Centre has actually gone ahead and directed the states to issue advisories/instructions to the general public to verify the antecedents of tenants and buyers of vehicles, an official spokesperson of the Union home ministry said. Meanwhile, a contingent of 38 NSG personnel has been deployed at the Indira Gandhi Centre for Atomic Research at Kalpakkam, near Chennai, following reports that major installations could be targeted by terrorists. Union home secretary has directed various states to sensitise the public and take all necessary precautions.

Desperate measures or innocuous advisory?

You be the judge, while I try to find an open space to hide myself(irony intended)

Killing Time

As Mumbai has been reeling under heavy rains for the pastweek, Movie buffs like me could not venture out to the bigscreens. So I rented some stuff from my freindly neighbourly DVD rental just to kill time..and guess what!, I actually KILLED it!

Take a look:

1. Last Days ( 2005,Kurt Cobain biopic)..Hawrible..I should have been dead instead of KC
2.Yours Mine & Ours(2005).......................I Threw up..Whatever happened to Mr Bowen (Dennis Quaid) from Dragonheart(1996)
3.Monster in law(2005)..............................J Lo can never make it into mainstream Hollywood with her nasal voice. Michael vartan had better stuck on to "Alias"
4.The Man (2005).......................... was So So, but Sammy Jackson- Cussing = Boring
5. Date movie(2006)..................The regular spoof movie taking digs at all the big un's..Meet the parents , Meet the Fockers, LOTR, When Harry met Sally, Shallow Hal, King Kong, Wedding Planner.. It was like watching "Scary Movie 4" sans the grossness, but still was one of the worst parodies Ive come across..

So there goes my horrible week that was. After watching a fiasco of a movie in POTC-2 on big screen, I am afraid to hitthe theaters. So I returned my good old DVD collection, some of which I watched for the n+1th time:

Golden Eye
National Treasure
LOTR-FOTR
Don't Say a Word
Flight plan

P.S. Little one's would know the connection between these..but don't say a word.

HOME A- LOAN.

Despite the recent hikes in home loan interest rates announced by the major banks, there seems to be no letdown in the rate of *interest* in the property market.

India's largest housing finance company HDFC, Punjab National Bank and the Oriental Bank of Commerce have hiked interest rates on home loans by at least half a percentage point (0.5%) on August 1, while others like the SBI and Bank of Baroda are soon expected to follow suit. As it stands, the floating rate for home loans from HDFC will be 9.5% as againstm, up from the previous 9%. The fixed rate loan borrowers will now have to shell out as high as 11%p.a. Despite FinMin's friendly advice (read dictum) to PSU Banks to rollback the hikes, there is no looking back, it seems.

Traditionally interest rates tend to take the cue from RBI's repo & reverse repo rate, which incidentally, were raised twice consecutively to over 50 basis points. Home loan rates have gradually risen over the past year or so from 8% to 11% and guess what, no one seems to really bother. Mumbai's bustling property market is currently on a sky-high, thriving on stock market boom fuelled by economic uptrend in general and IT /BPO boom in specific. Everybody seems to carry around enough cash to crash-purchase houses. Even the once abandoned properties such as " jinxed houses" or " haunted buildings" are up for the grabs.

It is only the fixed income/salary earners like me whose dream of buying a dream home might still only remain a dream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I can only console myself .." Home is where the heart is"...

Trivia about Muh

Blame HET for this!

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Uma!

1. Uma has little need for water and is capable of going for months without drinking at all!
2. Uma can sleep with one eye open!
3. Uma became extinct in England in 1486.
4. Uma is the largest of Saturn's moons!
5. South Australia was the first place to allow uma to stand for parliament.
6. California is the biggest exporter of uma in the world!
7. Uma is the world's smallest mammal.
8. Twenty-eight percent of Microsoft's employees are uma!
9. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find uma.
10. Only one person in two billion will live to be uma.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

Mole in the cheek!!, scar in the face!!

One has heard of Witchhunt and Manhunt..but now we have this intense "Mole- hunt". The fact that people,out of limelight (read power), facing severe identity crisis can write just about anything in a "memoir" , "autobiography" or "reflections" to grab eyeballs is proved by the Jaswant Singh's latest tactic.

In his book 'A Call to Honour: In Service of an Emergent India', Jaswant Singh has alleged that a mole in the PMO during the time of late prime minister P.V. Narasimha Rao had leaked nuclear secrets to the US. This might definitely do some pre-release publicity for his book, but the same cannot be said for BJP!

His colleague Mr Das Munshi was at his wit's best: "We could have helped him find buyers and even honked to secure buyers for his book," he said, adding "it is a book-selling campaign unparalleled in history."

While Jassu still claims: "I have never used the word 'mole,' even in the book. However, it generated so much excitement and the prime minister charged me with lacking in decency..."

While BJP's already squirming over turmole caused by the deepening embarrasment, Jaswant Singh's claim that he was still waiting, apparently with little success, for a "call" from the PM to discuss the matter did not cut much ice either.

BJP is busy digging a hole to bury the mole,while Congress's is on a roll taking a dig at BJP's role.

Is is what they call making a mountain out of a mole? Are'nt there enough issues of national interest to focus on?

PS. Taking a cue from Jassu, looks like our Ex-India Cricket Coach John Wright is trying to bring lots of " dressing room" scenes out of the closet in his memoir. Censor Board probably might give an A certificate ?

and

Why do all the memoirs have to always be so bitter?

Face the Musick

Audioslave's Chris Cornell, former frontman of Soundgarden, will record the theme song for the new James Bond film, "Casino Royale," which opens November...

Why??Coudn't the Brocollis find the usual ,mediocre, skin-exhibiting divas from the non-grunge world? Or is Chris Cornell finding alternative avenues for his quivering voice?

Lance Bass, member of the hit boy band N'sync has finally"come out".. He said "I knew that I was in this popular band and I had four other guys' careers in my hand, and I knew that if I ever acted on it or even said [I was gay], it would overpower everything.

Yeah, as such,the non existent N'sync has nothing to lose now that he has comeout with his sexual orientation, as all the females are following Justin Timberlake and his on-off & much older girlfriend Cameron Diaz.

Rolling stones have annouced plans for an extensive FALL tour throughout Canada & US.

Is this is what they call death defying tactics?, 'coz I dont see any of them fall, even after zillion years. BTW, I hear discounts for senior citizens..and special "wheel chair" personally autographed by Keith Richards.

Nicollette Sheridan, actress from Desperate Housewives is working with VH1 to help improve music education in American public schools.

Sheridan, who is currently engaged to singer Michael Bolton, has apaarently realised that this is the only way to save the sad state of american music, after hearing it straight from horse's mouth..

Thats enough food for the dying music fans to digest..

Typical language usages in Bureaucrazy!!!

You dont need to analyse the finer nuances to understand bureaucratic language usages like these:

When they say ..................................They mean:
Hand overing / take overing of charge...........Handing / taking Over of charge
First all of.....................................................First of all
Defination.....................................................Definition
Many peoples including childrens.................Many people including children
N.A...............................................................Not Available
On Tour.........................................................On Leave
Kindly request your presence........................Request your kind presence
Respected Sir.................................................Hi !
Second only to................................................Bad/Poor
List is not exhaustive......................................Cant name more, Use your imagination
All are invited to come with their families........Don't bring neighbor or their family/ies
Snakes will follow.............................................Snacks will be served
Respond at your earliest.................................We don't care
Inconvenience caused is regretted...................You don't care
Information is correct to our Best of knowledge........Don't know
Customer service......................................................Dream goal
Merit certificate.................................................Every dog had its day
15 Minure recess................................................1 hour break
Meeting...............................................................Chit chat
Committee meeting.............................................Work
Presentation...........................................................Time out
We are fully Computerised.....................................We use wordstar and lotus
Inspection.....................................................................Getaway/Road Trip


Please feel free to add as many as you might've come across!!

Say No To Pirates..Review of POTC-II

Horrible, Boring and a Total Waste of 150 minutes of your Life..

Gore Verbinsky should know that not every sequel can meet up to the expectations and standards set by the predecessor. Take Lord of the Rings Trilogy for e.g, or even the banal Terminator series.

Totally counting on digital effects and effaced images of *creatures* from the depths of the ocean, the sequel does not stir anything that could even distantly qualify as amazement. The special attratcion this time around was supposed to be Bill Nighy( Love Actually) playing the damned & tentacled "Captain Davy Jones" . But one felt quite shocked and almost cheated to see some Computer generated Octopus stuck on his face.

Millions of dollars wasted on a missed opportunity.

This movie could get labelled a success only on account of lack of competition or loyal followers of Mr Sparrow's antics.

Say No To PIRATES! Save your Life!

Printer's Devil

I have always criticised "jounalistic activism" by the media. To secure oneupmanship in the burgeoning and cutthroat media market, (struggling) reporters/journalists breach all limits of ethics and conscience to report/publish some *exclusive* piece of news which is often obnoxious or even immaterial to he common man.

Sample this:

The cover page of Mumbai Mirror dated 20th July 2006 carried a huge and crisp photograph of a seemingly happy bridal couple. Aptly titled photofinish, the label below claimed that this was one the rare wedding pictures of "Junaid & Maharukh", children of famous personalities from across the border. This, being published first hand and exclusive after one whole year of secret and high profile event.

Readers could feast their eyes on the lively and smiling couple, but more on the bride bedecked with garlands of the yellow metal. So far so good.

Only today, on the cover page of the same daily the editor issues a "clarification" (in lieu of public apology) stating that the wedding picture was not that of the famous starchildren. Indeed, it belonged to one Mr E*-? from Chennai. While the editor profusely regretted the *embarassment* caused to Mr E*-? for inadvertantly showcasing his bridal wealth, the fact that this picture was blindly lifted by their reliable source( no more!) from some pakistani source was also accepted( sotto voce..)

So much for Oneupmanship, this is cheap and pitiable journalism, by the starchild of India's top newspaper..

Bloggers on the spot?

Why am I not able to see any blogs at *.blogspot.com??
For the past two days, I can log on to blogger, edit and post blogs but cannot view my baby. I hear the same story from fellow bloggers across India. The Help group is flooded with crisis messages from all over India cutting across various ISPs but the problem is still under "trouble shooting" I presume even as I post this blog.

So far, no official statement from blogger or ISPs have been released. Till then, keep your fingers crossed or go for a *proxy*spot.

Hot n Yahoo ...Beta be good

In a landmark deal of its kind, arch rivals Yahoo & Windows(MSN) Messenger have joined hands... The move is aimed to stymie Google's (G-Talk) rapid inroads into IM space.Is that what they call Mail Merge?

For the layperson, this BETA version allows Yahoo and MSN Internet Messenger(IM) users to chat with each other across both networks. This means the users need not have 2 IDs and 2 softwares to chat with users of respective IMs anymore. Together both these IMs would dominate in Indian Web by getting lions share of more than 70%.

"Interoperability between these two IMs will give users the ability to exchange instant messages, see contacts online, file sharing upto 1MB (on Yahoo Messenger), share select emoticons and connect with a global community of friends through one safe and secure IM experience," says George Zacharias, MD of Yahoo India.

Bless you, Competition.
Whats on your mind G?

Sounds of Thunder : Mumbai Blasts 11/7: Eyewitness Account

I've not seen anything "burst" in front of my eyes except for "laxmi bombs" during Diwali . I have'nt heard anything louder than the pre-monsoon thunders. But I was unfortunate to witness both 0f these from a distance of hardly 50 Metres.

I and my colleague could not board the 6.15 pm Borivli fast from Bandra station, as ,due to the delay in the arrival of the train, the crowd had exceeded the capacity of the compartment. We could have chosen to hang by the footboard like we do on several other days, but I can only say that it was "divine intervention" which forbade usfrom doing that this time.

Seconds after the train left Bandra Platform No.4, we heard a deafening noise from the same direction, accompanied by smoke. This was followed by utter chaos with all the passengers running helter-skelter. Bandra is one of the "commercial areas" of mumbai and houses a lot of corporates, software companies , banks and call centers and this being the peak hour for homebound office goers, the timing of this heinous act could not be any more perfect. Many passengers started scrambling towards the train, which now stood halted at a distance, and started to save the injured passengers. Soon people from buildings adjoining the tracks joined in the efforts. It took a good 20 minutes till a strectcher was taken to the spot but all the while it was the fellow citizens who came with open arms for helping the injured. While all the Western railway services were halted, we had no options but to hit the roads. With all the buses overcrowded beyond question, many a rickshawallas/private vehicle owners were reaching out to stranded passengers to drop them at convenient locations. I reached home safely only because of one such kind Mumbaikar.

Mumbai is one of the safest cities for Ladies, ironically, living inMumbai has always meant living on the edge. But I'm sure that like always, resilient spirit of the Mumbai would sail us through troubles times, especially, acts of terrorism. This apart, the investigators should leave no stones unturned in nailing the culprits, thier aides and the abettors to this crime .

MUMBAI MERI JAAN!

Zidane is done

My! Oh! My

The soccer world was aghast to see the repeated replays of the "head butt" incident involving Zizou and Materazzi. Why on earth would a man of Zizou's calibre and composure lose his head over something so incomprehensible and cause a nasty fowl, on such a momentous occasion as this - A WORLD CUP FINAL -His last world cup and international football appearance.

Such an ignominious exit from a glorious and glittering career !

He has still been awarded the "golden ball", but this won't console the hearts of millions of his fans.

Somebody STOP Them !

Rafa Vs Fedex..Redux

It seems like these two are simply unstoppable, their rivalry spanning from court to court! One never bows down and the other never quits!! I was totally wrong in underestimating the power of Spanish matador. Seems like he took my challenge seriously. The leader and the challenger meet face to face for another battle at the Lawns of Wimbledon 2006.

The Swiss plays with watchful(pun intended) precision on all surfaces but the Spaniard's relentless fighting spirit had unnerved every opponent. Rafa has taken it upon himself to shed his cliched image of "King of Clay" by expanding his prowess over the green grass of Wimbledon. He has done it and How?

-By Reaching two Grandslam finals back to back, on two conflicting surfaces, facing The Numero Uno in both, beating him in one and aiming to beat in the other.

In the ATP Men's Rankings, there has always been this huge gap in terms of points and proficiency between the World No.1 and the No.2. But Fedex's "cruises" have met with rough and tough weather from "El Nino" more than once. Hence the gap between the two has narrowed greatly showcasing Tennis at its best. Way to go champions!

Struck a chord!!

Literally!

Today, we folks were confined to the four walls of our humble homes as the rains decided take us one on one. I watched through the window as each drop of rain gathered into a confluence , converting the open stretch of playground adjacent to my home to a makeshift swimmimg pool!

Soon, came the ominous power cut and most parts of the island city got cut off from the civilized world. It seems that the BMC wanted to take no chance on "Short circuits" this time around and promptly ordered the power suppliers to cut the cords! Amidst landslides, open manholes and potholes, they've got thier priorities clear!

We were in the dark for a good 8 hours and 200mms of rain, with nothing to do indoors and hostile outdoors! So I picked up my Accoustic Guitar which was the only thing I could "play" without any power (pun intended). Grunge was the first choice,followed by some punk.

1. Territorial Pissings-Nirvana (Start with A and then with D)
2. Lounge Act-Nirvana( B)
3. On a plain-Nirvana (start with D and tried with E)
4. Heart Shaped Box-Nirvana ( Tried to start with all posible chords,but B sounded the best)
5. Plush-Stone Temple Pilots( E)
6. Here She comes now- Nirvana(A)
7. Sappy- Nirvana(D)
8. Basket Case- Greenday(D and G)
9. I'll stick around- Foo fighters(D and G)
10. Where did you sleep last night- Nirvana (E)

As it always happens,I struck the right chords when I don't have the recording set up . I played these songs over and over again in all sorting orders, as if there was no tomorrow.Probably that is when I struck the wrong chord, and my 1st string gave in. Or probably it was the rains.

Kurt Cobain always signed off his concerts by smashing his guitar(TM) onto the amps/drums. I just broke one string. Luckily, I had an extra set of strings ( rain check?), but didn't have a clue as to fixing it. I called up the Guitar technician to set the chord straight and pat came the reply..." Laws of physics".

I sure can't go back to eighth grade but with some common knowledge on tensity, supported by will and patience, I fixed the new string. By 7.30pm the the power supply resumed and I gave my guitar its well-deserved rest.

I turn on the TV and for once Blitzkrieg vs Azurris was in the prime spot ahead of the banal "Mumbai Rains".

The man who cried Wolf!!

I am talking about all those hyper(active) news anchors and correspondents across the News channels who have gone overboard while reporting on Mumbai Rains since last three days. I've been in this city all my life and we folks are habituated to turn on the news at day break, specially in this season, to know about the latest news on weather, rain and traffic in the city.

I was in for a shrill shock to see these *latest updates* and *breaking news* flasing across the screen:
- all the subways are closed,
- all the trains have been cancelled or running late,
- all the main roads are waterlogged,
- all the highways are congested with traffic,
- very heavy rains forecast for next n no. of days.

These facts are also supported with LIVE *visuals* and *actual interviews* taken from urchins, pavement dwellers and pensioners (who have never had anything good to say about the civic authorities or the Govt). My parents, credulous folks they are, intensely dissuaded me from going to work. But I decided to go ahead and learn it the hard way!

Now Reality Check:
-There was no waterlogging,
-The trains were running and only slightly behind schedule
-I reached my office safely and on time.
-All my colleagues were also on time

While the fact remains that despite the lessons learned from the aftermath of 26/7, our Municipal corporation(BMC) has done nothing that could even remotely qualify as disaster management, these unscruplous TV channels have fully capitalised on the the people's fear psychology and BMC's inefficiency, to broadcast news whose authenticity cannot be verified.

On the way to my office, I was not really suprised to see derelict roads and relatively empty train compartments as many Mumbaikars might have stayed away from venturing outdoors, thanks to *latest news* on TV!!!!!!!!

Conundrum

With the FIFA World Cup Fever and all, this one question has always been bugging me. What country in the world would have a scenario like this:

The National Game : Hockey
The Semi-National Hobby: Football
The National Passion: Cricket

We have'nt exactly "excelled" in any of these sports save for some duration in the gone generation. Well, I am not getting into any argument as to how cricket has always stolen everyelse's sunshine. But what I can understand is that there has been a palpable growth in the average Indian's appreiciation of other sports besides Cricket.

Thanks to multiplying satellite sport channels, now sport event in every nook(ad) and corner of the world gets instant and indepth coverage and all a sports fan needs is a flick of the button to switch from soap operas to sport arena! Now my assistant Mr Shinde (avid sports fan & amateur Sports commentator) discusses Ricky Paanting(sic) and Ranaldu(sic) with equal ease. FIFA worldcup is the talk of the town. He may not follow "offside" or "handball" but can surely understand when the "umpire" hands out pila or laal patta. He went on, drawing some interesting parallels between both these games!

The point Im trying to make is that Aam Aadmi is no more driven by cricket alone. Atleast a quarter of our country's populace can safely be called "manic football fans". And when Preity Zinta's secret football fetish occupies the frontpage of a leading newspaper, another quarter of the populace will blindly join this group! We hear Bengal is virtually dancing to Samba, rooting for Brazil, instead of Mohun Bagan for a change. The rest of India is simply content watching the event on TV or at Big-Screen Bars at best, cheering for countries not known otherwise..

This is the conundrum, the ubiquous Indian, and his conspicuous absence in the football arena.

No Rain

The rains might be playing hide 'n seek with we folks in Mumbai knowing very well that the love-hate relationship between us can never end. We cringe on the onset of the monsoon, but we are fretful until it happens. As the mercury rises to newer heights each day, a dark cloud lurks round the corner playfully strike its "million watts smile' on the very folks..and then vanish into thin air, without shedding a single drop the pristine gem of life. Its always been Too much or Too little with the rains and so far the prospect of the latter appears ominous.

As I post these ramblings about the vagaries of monsoon, I remember one of Blind Melon's greatest songs:

"No Rain"
All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
I like watchin' the puddles gather rain
And all I can do is just pour some tea for two
and speak my point of view

But it's not sane, It's not sane

I just want some one to say to me
I'll always be there when you wake

Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
So stay with me and I'll have it made

And I don't understand why I sleep all day
And I start to complain that there's no rain

And all I can do is read a book to stay awake
And it rips my life away, but it's a great escape

escape......escape......escape......

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
ya don't like my point of view

ya think I'm insane
Its not sane......it's not sane

The Three "R"s

One is very familiar with the Three "R"s governing Education- Reading, Writing and Arithmetic. But today, the term is so popular that virtually every field of knowledge under the sun has its own Three "R"s to catch the attention of the persons pursuing it to its core principles/themes. The Net threw up several such 3R's..some of which may be grossly deficient or at times perfunctory in their functioning as Tenets of their respective disciplines. Some of them are outright funny(!) too.

1. Modern Technology (satire): Railing, Writhing amd Recrimination(!)
2. Youth Protection(against abuse): Recognise, Resist and Report.
3. Conserveration: Reduce, Reuse and Recycle.
4. Against Animal testing: Refine, Reduce and Replace.
5. Parole Re-entry(into community): Risk, Resources and Results(!)

6.Money Management: Review, Revise and Retry(!) ( not good enough for stock market traders)

7.BehaviourManagement: Rules, Rituals and Routines ( is that all?)

8. Collective Bargaining: Raises, Rights and Respect(!) ( note that respect comes last)

9.Capital Budgeting: Resources, Revenue and Rate of Return
10 Drug Addicts recovery: Rehab, Revive and Revitalize

Also came across The Three Rs of Migraine Management, Logistic Consequences,System Dependability.......

Struggling and budding wannabes in various field coin their own Three Rs in thier dissertations/case studies/white papers..to summarize the ocean of knowledge to 3 vital R- words, knowing very well its inutility, except serving as catchy titles for facilitating reader recall ??

So I coin the Three Rs to sum up Life in Mumbai: Rails, Rains and Reels!!!. My soccer crazy neighbour immediately comes up with the Three Rs in the Field of Brazilian Football (pun intended): Ronaldo, Ronaldinho and Roberto Carlos..

With the lights out..

Andheri, Mumbai's well known suburb on the west side, suffers from a more unwestern problem, if I may say so, .."Intermittent Power Outage". While the repetitive threats of the SEB for daily 20% power cuts in the Island city proved hoax, off late, the denizens of this suburb have been hit with sudden, frequent and unwarranted power cuts for intervals ranging anywhere between15 mins and 2 Hrs. This, when the mercury has risen over the roof and the monsoon is yet to vent its full fury..

What, with SoccerWC , cricket and tennis going on on the telly, the sport loving suburbia is simply caught unwares with the lights out !! On several occasions my chat sessions have abrubtly ended, to the dismay of the chatmates!

So much of this and now my shopping list looks like this:
UPS
Battery operated Fan
Emergency Light
Genset
Batteries

Mumbai never needed these even a year ago.

"..With the lights out, Its less dangerous
Here we are now, Entertain us"

from "Smells like teen spirit"
Kurt Cobain

So its the usual: Nadal Vs Fedex

Its not suprising to see the World Number One Roger Federer pitted against the King of of clay Rafael Nadal at the French Open Mens Finals on Sunday, a replay of 2005 Roland Garros Semifinals .

Both are Europeans, but possess entirely different games. Fedex has this aggressive, fast and clinical approach to his game., while Rafa is patience, perseverence and hardwork glorified!Fedex is a thorough allrounder..like Bjorn Borg, while Rafa has conquered all the clay under the sun( literally! breaking records while winning more than 55 matches nonstop!!)

There is no denying of Rafa's impeccable & undisputable record against Fedex on clay, but, over the past few months,Fedex's game seems to have improved greatly, after all the claycourt warmups, especially against Rafa. So we hope this sunday will throw up a thriller of a match for us. Fedex wants this trophy to complete his GrandSlam Collection while Rafa will not want to put an end to his winning streak.

I'm not sure who the French crowd will be rooting for but my vote is for Federer Express!


Game; Set; Match, Roger Federer.

Hey Mr Nadal..Try and beat Fedex at Wimbledon, that is, if you show up..!

Vanishing Act

A fews days back, 6 to be precise, I did a long overdue makeover to my blog. Overdue only because nearly all my peerblogs had undergone one or more. So I googled for a template in tune, with the blogground and the blogger's mind and landed upon this: magic paper, which was the perfect match.

I uploaded the template and my blog bore that magic look! I was even handed over some occasional words of praise from fellow bloggers. But, for the past three days, the template fails to load on uploading my blog. Though Im not a techie, I managed to somehow access the same site , I got this:
"The bandwidth limit for this site has been exceeded"

While the template still exists in my blog setings, it never gets uploaded and my blog presents a pretty plain background.

Can some bright mind decode this esoteric enigma to an exoteric riddle and enlighten the dim witted?

Also want a web tool to ward off evil eyes...

PS: HELP!!

Wednesday Wash Out!!

Sights like these are not uncommon to Mumbaikars, specially after 26-7 deluge of last year. Since last evening Mumbai is under a cloud ...experiencing its first monsoon showers of the season ( or was it premonsoon?)which was actually scheduled to hit us from June 1, as per the local weathermen ( like we believed them).

While Mumbaikars always rejoiced the first showers, it did'nt appear to bring any such feeling this time around, what with just 2 hours of rain, all the main roads, junctions & subways were under several feet of water! It took over 2 hours for me to reach home from work today, for what is normally a Half hour travail. All this, on the first day of monsoon. Heavy rains Plus high tide always meant bad news for us.

While the BMC commisioner went on with is pre-monsoon manifestoes as usual..." We are 100% prepared" " All the drains have been desilted"...'All the roads have been repaired" blah blah .., it was the same old news for the average commuter..Our Police Commisioner went a step ahead, on the hitech mode, sending weather forecast sms to all the hassled denizens !Like they really care. Why ? Has he been given a lateral transfer to the MET Dept? Can't he send traffic updates instead? Bunch of Jokers everywhere.

It has been raining for the last 6 hours non-stop .So I turn on the TV to watch the news (hazy but audible s it happens during the rains) only to hear every reporter & commuter repeat my lamentations..

Dont want deluge, not even a de ja vu!

What 'ism" is this?

We want to liberalise Indian economy ...and globalise it, when we can't liberate the Indian psychology from this age old "ism" that has dogged our society for centuries and even governs our polity. What else should we call this threat of reservationism that portends nothing but doom to our quest for scientific & technological wizardry in the new world??

Why are medical students and resident doctors striking for days? Why should they bother when they have already got their seats? Why is every IITian joining hands with these protestors who call themself "Youth for equality"? It is because they care for the future of the country which they are going to represent in thier professional capacity.

Youth for Equality is an initiative by Medical and other professional students in India who feel strongly against populist measures which can be wrong, unjust and harmful for India's future.

Their plea for "implementing Universal Free education" and "concession/quota for the economically backward" have fallen on deaf ears of the politicians. Not surprising that most of the Medical/Engg/MBA colleges are run by politicians!

If the government wishes to allocate quotas based on one's caste certificate in speciality disciplines such as medicine and other advances sciences, will such a fact be in mentioned prominentlyin the degree certificate ? For , the prospective user of such services might demand a "right to information" and further the usage of caste in certificate!, which cannot be ruled out or ruled as wrong!!

Populist measures are always welcome, insofaras they don't harm the cultural ethos. Caste based reservation without addressing issues like child labour, free education upto highshool, malnutrition, is an utter FARCE and EYEWASH.

Even as the Hon Supreme Court ordered these protesters today to call off the strike or face contempt charges, the movement only seems to have gathered further momentum. These are testing times for the Indian youth. Every concerned citizen of this country should come forward and voice thier opinion for "Equality through education" and against "Lack of quality through reservation" .

The DVC-Why you should not drool over the movie?

If you have read the book and were awaiting the movie ...and watched it, you can't afford to simply drool over it, for:

1. If you were blown away by Paul Bettany's mindblowing potrayal of "Silas" you may be called a psychopath..

2.If you g0t carried away by the candid, simple & non-saucy performance by Tom Hanks, you'll be called a sycopant.

3.If you were impressed by Sir Ian Mckellen's excellent potrayal of the cagey villain, you will be told that you are suffering from a LOTR hangover..

4. If you felt Jean Reno was the right choice for Bezu Fache, you may be a called a Opus Dei sympathiser..

5.If you were mesmerised by the fantastic locations(real) and the eerie ecclesiastic backdrops, you might be even called a sciolistic artlover..

6. If you loved the movie, you will probably be branded as the anti-christ..

So I choose to keep my views to myself, in secrecy, lest I should be called any of the above. But ,I guess it has already been decoded !

Johnny Depp in "Aparichit"

I have been seeing the posters hangin over every wall, on every newpaper in the last few weeks for a Hindi movie called "Aparichit", with a man so closely resembling Johny Depp in Don Juan de Marco.

With JD's ever growing repertoire in weird movies, I thought I might have missed on his latest Indian venture.I was just telling my mom that the day is not far when JD will be a household name in India when she quipped: "He is no Johnny Vonny. You are looking at the southern star Vikram".


A little later I was enlightened that this movie is a Hindi Dubbed version of the original 2005 tamil Blockbuster "Aniyar"(Stranger). I have'nt seen either of them, but I hear its an action/social/drama/thriller about a man [Vikram] who plays the character of a man with MPD- Multiple Personality Disorder(4 disorders to be precise), and takes it on himself to cleanse the corrupt filth in the society ! Now who would'nt wanna play that?

Gone are the days when Bollywood movies used be remade or dubbed with Southern flavour!

p.s: I might have been wrong to liken Vikram to Johnny Depp, but I'm dead sure Johhny Depp would do a good job in a hindi movie, with/out a dub!

Madame Tussaud's in my Ear

Im dead right. If I was suffering from deafening pain in my aural appendage for the past month, it was not because of the high voltage noise from sloganeering medical students nor was it the blaring screams of Nirvana. I went to a ear-doctor ( not on strike) and he said I have nothing short of a wax museum in my right ear.

He asked me when was the last time I had wax removal , to which I said "Never". He made out that I havent flushed my ears for all my life. I had to apply some ear drops, smelling like pheneol 4 times a day (which means my collegues in office were not spared from its mordacious odour) for a week to grease the source and ease the pain! The flusing operation followed and succeded.

All's well that ends well.

Now I can certainly lend an ear to what you have to say!Eh?

Poll Pot Pourri

The votes are cast and so the exit polls are out. Seems like Amma's AIADMK +MDMK alliance is gonna take beating, black and blue.Times Now-Hansa Exit Poll has projected just about 81 of the 234 Assembly seats for the ruling alliance,while DMK+PMK+INC+Commies alliance is expected to get 150. BJP is once again conspicuous by a total no show. Also looks like captain Vijakanth might have to return to his career on the celluloid!

While exit polls have never been exact, one cannot deny the true "Dravidian" electoral voting tradition-"decisive" and "anti incumbency".

As far as TN is concerned, Dynasty politics shall soon take over the driver's seat, with able guidance from Centre!

Also heard that "Budhha is smiling" in Kolkata.

Random Sampling Theory

Random Sampling might work well for actuaries and statisticians but have always spelt doom for writers ( or copy writers shall we say?) . The Kaavya Viswanathan fiasco is a bright example of how plagiarism is viewed differently across faculties of art. Her claim to fame was thru her maiden book “How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life" has apparently borrowed lines from author Megan McCafferty and from some others whose work she was very fond of as a child!

The Music and Movie Industry has alwways been rife with affront as well as soft version of copies/samplings from here and there that are easily passed of as "Inspiration". However while the audience of such samplers enjoy the results of outright lifting, the same audience shuns and ridicules a possibly budding writer.

While I have never read Kaavya's “How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life", I have thought about writing " How Kaavya got Hitched, Sissed and Got no life", and I would not forget to print this warning on the cover: " Any Similarity in thoughts or words with any person/book would be purely unintentional or coincidental" in finer print and spare the rods!

Read This!

Pink Panther Review

Pink Panther (2006) definitely does not deserve a big screen dekko. However, Peter Sellers, the legendary "Inspector Jacques Clouseau" of Pink Panther comedies of yesteryears has passed on the mantle to an apt and deserving candidate in the comic master Steve Martin.



The plot is based on a prequel to the 1964 Blake Edwards' classic with Peter Sellers.

While virtually everbody imitates franglish accent exceptionally well, Steve Martin's was freaking funny an left you in utter splits. Steve might me trying hard to fill the huge paw prints but he is definitely following the foot steps.

Besides the usual slapstick comedy, watch out for the witty wisecracks from Inspector Clouseau. Dont miss the scene where Inspector Clouseau tries to pick up American accent for " I would like to buy a ham-bur-ger" from an accent expert.